Impossible

My family is a gift from God. I don't know of many people who miss each other as deeply as we do- which is good and bad, because it makes being apart extremely hard, but it is a blessing that we love to spend time together. So here I am at school, wondering how I am going to make it through this semester. I miss my parents, my brother, my dog, my house, the idea of being with family, and my state SO MUCH!!! And MOUNTAINS! The ache in my heart is huge! There hasn't been a day yet where I wake up without the tears filling my eyes. However, it is getting better. I've tried to cope by being by myself, hanging out in my room. But my roomies have wonderful boyfriends that I'm glad they spend time with... even though that means less time for me. So I'm by myself. Now that studio has started up again, I realize how important those social interactions are for helping me cope. They are my "family" away from family, and they really care about me. It's wonderful :)

'Another realization I've had is that part of my homesickness is not just being away from my family and home, but also how hard school is. I am WAY out of my comfort zone out here! So many new experiences, social activities, relationships... the list goes on and on. The "unknown" really stresses me out. I don't know what my future holds! My classes are so time consuming and I get critiqued on my abilities and often feel insignificant. I usually don't get enough sleep, and things are just hard here. Home... well over breaks, I don't have any responsibilities. I sleep whenever and however long I want to. I know my family will be with me at the end of the day and we can enjoy each others' company. It is a life of ease. Home is comfortable... school is not. That makes it hard.

But school does one very important thing for me. It brings me closer to God. Out here, He is the only real stability I have in my life. He is always with me, through thick and thin. No matter where I am, I can turn to him with questions, frustrations, worry, and lack of energy, and He provides. I am so dependent on God at every moment, that I know being out of my comfort zone- no matter how hard or uncomfortable it is- that's where I'm supposed to be.

This song has really caught my attention as of late, and I'm adopting it as my motto for the rest of the year. It is Impossible, by The Newsboys. The music is so beautiful, and the lyrics so powerful. It says that only God has us flying with eagles, walking on water, jumping over mountains... with God we can do the impossible. How amazing! This mighty King I serve not only is my friend, my Father, but is the maker of all the universe. He is SO powerful, and can do the impossible. Not only that, but He loves me!!!!!!!! He wants what is best for me. Ugh I can't even describe how crazy wonderful that is! So I'm going to live it out, claiming that truth. With God, I can make it out here away from home. He'll provide the strength and energy I need to make it through.

I can do the impossible.

My Passion...

So lately I've been under the impression that to be an architect, you have to be passionate about architecture. If you aren't... you'll never make it. (No people aren't telling me this in so many words, it's just a hunch... just what I've inferred). So here I am... wanting to be an architect, but not really feeling passionate about architecture. There are so many architectects out there! I don't know the famous ones, and I probably should. There are so many amazing buildings out there! I should probably be able to pick out which ones are which, and who they were made by! But, I can't. So I wonder: am I cut out for this job?

But as I have pondered this question, I've come to realize my passion. Now, I've always known it subconsciously, but only recently have I begun to understand it, to be able to put it into words. At church a while back, we were asked to write a word on our hand, a word we believed described our purpose in life. For example, Matt, the worship leader who was leading the exercise, said his word was "bridge" because he felt that his calling was to bridge the racial barriers within the church and surrounding areas of his life. After some contemplation, I chose my word. Home.

And then the other day I googled residential architecture firms in Colorado, that would be close to home. I was surprised by the results, for there are quite a few. I had always thought I would have to start out with commercial buildings to gain experience, and then switch to residential later on... but I don't necessarily have to. I could go straight to residential if given the opportunity!

So these instances have reminded me of my word. Home! I'm finding out that this is my passion. My dreams have always been to design custom homes for people. Not only that, but I want to design homes for people in Tanzania and give them away so they don't have to pay an outrageous rent with money they don't have! I want to design my own home to have tons of rooms so that I can let people live with me when they need a place to stay, so they can have a place of their own to get back on their feet. However, a home is not just about a building. It is about the people inside the building. It is a shelter, a place where memories are made, where families exist. Family is extremely important to me, and being blessed with the amazing family I have has made me so aware of other's need for a family like mine. My passion is for family, for homes.

It has been fun, and often a battle, to go through these days at school trying to figure out my future. But with each day I am realizing and working hard to accept that I don't need to be the best architect out there. I don't need to be remembered for my building designs, but I want my legacy to be in the relationships I have with clients, that they can see Christ through my work, and be able to have a home filled with His love. I am extremely glad that God knows my purpose and future, and that He will guide my steps and never leave my side as I seek to do His will. He gave me these dreams, and ignited this passion for Him and home!