Doubt

I know it isn't a good thing... but I can't seem to help it. I can't break out of it.

I believe Satan's lies way too often.

And I know they are lies, but I can't convince myself not to believe them.

I doubt that people like me. I doubt that I am worthy of their friendship. What if they just hang out with me because they don't want to hurt my feelings? Maybe they just pretend to be my friend, but really hate that they have to be around me.

I don't think that is true at all, but I doubt.

And then at times they will tell me how much they love me, or how good of a friend I am- but part of me doesn't want to believe it. Part of me can't believe it.

What if it is just flattery? What if they don't really mean it?

So when my friends don't tell me often how important I am to them, I begin to wonder if they really do like me. Little things set my mind to wandering. Like the other day one of my roommates was planning on going to studio anyway. I just got back to the room from studio, and knew she was headed out. TOTALLY as a joke, she said, "well, Rebecca is here, I guess it is time to leave!" Another said something like, "That's what I would do!"

It was all in jest, we were all in good moods, and they meant no harm at all. They said it out of love. But I couldn't convince myself it was a joke. I was concerned that they didn't really want to be around me.

So I had to check, and hear for myself. I texted my roomie later and asked if she was joking. I received an adamant YES! She was definitely joking.

So why do I doubt?

I don't know. But I always do.

Let me know you love me every once and a while :)

Goodbye my Friend

Death is a sobering concept.

Today I found out through facebook that one of my grade school friends died. He was my fourth grade crush, and was one of the only boys who still noticed me when I was in my awkward middle school phase. We went to different high schools and I haven't seen him in forever, but we reconnected my sophomore year of college when we became facebook friends. He requested to be my friend, so I sent him a message saying something like, "Wow I haven't seen you forever! You still remember me?"

His reply was: "haha I know it's been SOOOOO long!!! Of course I remember you lol I had the biggest crush on you! lol I've been really good. Just school and stuff! How have you been?!"

And now... he's gone.

And I'm not sure where he's gone.

If his lifestyle is any indication... I'd rather not think about it.

First reaction is that I wish I could have said something, had a conversation with him sometime about God, told him how much he is loved. I don't know how it happened, or why, or when. I just know he's gone.

I know I can't do anything to "save" people. God could have used me, but He didn't in this case. I wish it didn't end like this.

All I can do now is pray that God will receive glory from this. That his death will open the eyes of those who love him, that God will win over the hearts of those affected.

It is eye opening to realize that death doesn't wait till you are ready to go. It can be completely unexpected. I'm reminded to live every day like it's my last! To follow the nudgings God places on my heart and spread the good news to as many as possible.

Goodbye my friend. May your life and death affect the lives you left behind.

My Tower

Once upon a time, I asked God if He would pretty please just have ONE boy like me. I felt overlooked and ugly, and I was depressed in thinking that I would never have a boyfriend because no boy would ever like me. I think I was in middle school at the time... And of course I said this when there actually was a boy who liked me - he just wasn't someone I wanted to hang around.

I had this knack for attracting the odd boys of the school, the ones who couldn't dream of dating a popular girl because they were so out of their league- nerds, the shy guys, the very odd personalities. (don't get me wrong, they're great!) But then there was me, who can't help but be nice to most everyone, and because of that, they fell for me. Surely there could have been other factors, but I think that being nice was the main thing. So there really were boys who liked me, but when I asked God, I meant that I wanted a "popular" boy to like me. Just one.

8th grade was a huge changing year for me physically and mentally. I forced myself to be more outgoing, and some little changes like getting contacts and losing some weight made me much more confident in my appearance. It was in 9th grade that I started getting noticed more. Not much... just little bits here and there. And then I changed schools for 10th - 12th grade. To make a long story short... that's when it started getting complicated. God answered my prayer and I learned a valuable lesson about being careful in what you think you really want. I had many admirers, but the attention increased exponentially when I arrived in college.

I blame the Judson mentality. You go to college to find someone to marry... to get your MRS degree. Naturally, there are plenty of eligible partners at a christian school!! Horay!

But that's not how it always works out. Not yet anyway. Anywho all this to give a small back story into a little writing I did recently. It's a poem... but not really... kinda just free verse writing. This is where I'm at in life right now:

My Tower

I am the Queen of rejection.

I was once told this and now I believe it.

I'm too confident for my own good.

Too scary for a guy to approach.

Will there ever be a guy willing to

Climb the walls I've built around myself?

Even if he falls?

Will there ever be a guy who is confident

enough to try and fail? Perhaps

More than once?

But then again,

Will he be the right one?

I'm really wishing he'd show up.

I promise I'll give him a chance!

Maybe I'll put pillows as a moat

To catch him when he falls,

Perhaps toss him a rope from the tower

To help with the arduous climb.

I'm up here in my tower

Scanning the horizon

Looking for fish in the sea

But so far any remotely brave fish

Has been shot through the heart

With an arrow from me.

I'm so sorry to all I've crushed!

My strong defenses are all I've ever know.

I've shut so many down,

My reputation is built.

This high tower I've established for myself

Is visible to all.

No one can reach the top

It is too well known

So don't even try.

Because failure is bound to happen.

I'm sorry. I think I regret building my tower.

I am trying to be patient while I wait for you.

I won't settle! I just hope you come soon.

I hope I can recognize you when you begin

the climb... the pursual.

I hope you can be patient with me because

I'm scared.

Please try. And don't give up

And I'll do my best to give you a chance

I pray I can see you coming

And resist the urge to run and hide.

My prince, I hope you're out there

Please hurry to my side.

So that's it! I know it is kinda cheesy, but I had fun writing it and I thought it was an accurate "metaphor" if you will, about my feelings this fine day, of my junior year, about four weeks into school. I'm not desperate by any means, but finding "the one" would be great someday soon. Waiting can be hard, but I've done it this long, and I will continue to do so. And I will work on being more approachable... :)

And they have yet to live happily ever after.

The end.

The Ultimate... Test?

It's all come down to this. The biggest challenge yet.
Overcoming my embarrassment, and fear of other's thoughts.

It is a design project. We had to choose a space and "edit" the space. For some reason, I chose a bench outside the chapel on campus. I think it is a good reason... but I am having trouble going to construct my project on site... because, well, everyone can see what I'm doing! I'm out there in the open for everyone to walk by and stare and wonder, "what in the world is she doing?"

It is scary!! Haha, but I'm doing ok with it :) I just have to focus on the task at hand, and not worry about who is walking or driving by. I've even had some fun conversations with people who have come up to ask how it is all going. So I'm going to survive! It just feels super awkward.
But it is a fun project, and I hope I can have some effect on people! I want to make an inviting space that people want to use, so we'll see what happens!! I'll keep you posted!

Still Working On It...

This is terrible!!!
God is pointing out my embarrassment more with everyday. Before class the other day, I drank a whole bunch of coffee. So, naturally, during class I had to go to the bathroom SOOOO bad. I was freaking out. I couldn't go, because that would be so rude to my professor, and all my classmates would think bad things of me! NOT TRUE! But I sat in class, dying, for way longer than I should have. I just kept telling myself, "Rebecca, you are being dumb! JUST GO! Who cares what people will think!" But... I was paralyzed. I was inwardly laughing at myself. It was crazy! I finally went.

Then I dropped my I.D. holder thing the other day, and I had to go back searching for it. Problem was, I had walked in front of Wilson, the boy's dorm, and I was so embarrassed to go look for it. They would all see me and be wondering what in the world I was doing. Not cool. Thankfully I didn't have to walk back and forth looking for it. God saved me that time, and reminded me that He is always faithful. But I was scared of the possibility of walking back and forth in front of their dorm looking for something in the grass.

I really am so silly! I should not be so worried about me! grrrrrrr
In church today, the message had a strong emphasis on "What fears do you have."
Embarrassment is definitely one of them!
I fear rejection too. And the "unknown"- situations where I don't know what will happen, and I have no control over the outcome. And so many other things :)
I'll have to work on that.

Overcoming Fear

I have this fear. A crippling, debilitating fear of what others think of me.

I know it's dumb! But whether it is consciously or unconsciously... I struggle every day to overcome my fear.

Yes... God loves me for the person He created me to be! I know this! He didn't make mistakes with me, nor does He love me because of the way I preform. But still it is so hard for me to remember this, and not care about the thoughts of others.

I'm better than I used to be...

I wonder if my fear of embarrassment ever prevents me from doing God's will. There was an instance the other day when I was in Walmart and an older lady dropped her cain. My gut reaction was to move! and help her! But instantly after my first thought, I noticed everyone around me. What would people say if I helped? "Aw, what a good kid" or "Typical Goodie-Two-Shoes". So I didn't help. I just watched, pulse racing, as this poor woman bent over and painstakingly received her cain from the floor. And then, I was mad at myself. I knew I should have done something! It was the simplest of tasks! Just take a few steps and help her out! But in my fear, I just froze up.

I've been noticing more and more of these situations lately. I'm presented with an opportunity to do good, and I don't because of what people might think. It happens quite a bit with my design work as well. It is almost as if embarrassment is strong motivation to do well. If I don't, my classmates will laugh at me. If I don't do well on a test, and a classmate is grading it, what will they think of me? I even go so far as to put way too much thought on my clothing or hair styles for the day because I don't know the reaction I will get. I get embarrassed way too easily, and I really do think it is hindering my ability to grow. I know so much happens when I'm out of my comfort zone, but I'm so afraid to leave it.

So prayers would be awesome! Prayers for me to remember my identity in Christ, and to have confidence as His daughter. I don't want to care what possible harmful things people may say or think (which is another thing all together, because usually people aren't even thinking about me and would never say anything mean! ) I'm an introvert... I think about myself way too much :)

I'm trying to do better.

Prayer

I'm still learning! And lately something I've been learning about is prayer.
I find it interesting that God knows everything we will think before we think it, and everything we will say before we say it. So why pray? He already knows. But, He wants to hear it from us anyways. It is an act of presenting our desires to God, and engaging in conversation with Him. It's a pretty neat idea.

I've also been learning about the Holy Spirit, and His role in my life. Although the Trinity is a hard concept to grasp, I have been trying to understand more. I found a bible verse that talked about how when we are praying and can't find the words to pray, the Holy Spirit will step in for us and give the message to God. I'm also more aware and able to listen to the little nudges the Spirit gives me about who I need to talk to to encourage, or comfort them; and even ask for the right words to say. It is amazing that Christ, or the Spirit is in me, and always with me. I have so much power through Him, and I don't think I always remember that.

I was reading my devotion book the other day, and the topic was prayer. I was struck by the comment made about when we pray, we should expect God to answer our prayers. It was something I had never thought about before! When I pray, I want God to answer give me an answer, and I know he does - yes, no, or wait - but do I expect my requests to be met?
I don't think I do. I pray that God's will for my life will be done. When I pray a prayer, I always want His way in the end, no matter what I want; because He knows what is best for me. Another verse I read the other day was Jesus speaking to his disciples saying that whatever they asked for in Jesus' name would be given to them.

Perhaps I don't think my prayers are good enough, or don't think God will do anything on my timing. Yes, it is true, sometimes more time needs to pass before God will act. But I want to work on expecting that God will listen to the cry of my heart, because I am His child. I think I doubt the power of prayer, and maybe pray only to voice my opinions, rather than really desiring something to happen. After all, God gave Israel a king when He didn't want to, because the people kept asking for one. Prayer really can move God to act!

I want to do better! I want to fully have faith that God can, and will use me for great things, and I want to believe that my words of prayer have a powerful effect. I love learning, and pray God never stops working on my heart, and teaching me His ways!

Light and Dark

I just watched the movie Tangled. I think it is a super cute movie, and I love love love the animation! But the thing that gets me the most about the movie is when all the lanterns are lit and lift into the sky. IT IS SO COOL! Honestly, I don't really know why it affects me so, but I literally want to cry when I see it. I know, it's sad, maybe a little pathetic... but oh well. I cry alot. So get over it ;)



Anyways. I think it is amazing if compared to real life, and the spiritual world. One light sets off all the other light, and it is contagious and spreads all over the whole island. What about hearts, and the light we are to the world? The movie makes me wonder what it would be like to have the good news of Christ spread to everyone around, and for the light to literally spread through the darkness. It gives me the chills to think about! I love it.

I love comparisons between light and dark. God is light. He gave us His light to show the world.

It is interesting to see that good usually is conveyed in bright, or white colors, while evil is dark colors. I think the symbolism is awesome! And movies like The Lord of the Rings are so epic because they show the battle between light and dark, good and evil.

Soooooooooooooooo cool! There is a real battle going on, and we can't see it with our eyes. But I'm light, and God's already won. I want the light that I have to spread to those around me!!

I love the light. And, those are my random thoughts for now :)

Just Me!

People and personalities are kinda a newish hobby of mine. I am becoming more and more fascinated with how people react in various situations, and what makes someone different than everyone else. It is soooooooo incredible to see how people can have similar traits, but still be completely different!
I don't know how, or why, or when it started, but before I went off to college, I took a short version of the Meyers-Briggs personality test. You answer a bunch of questions and then it gives you four letters that describe your personality traits. I am an ISFJ. It stands for Introverted, Sensing, Feeling, and Judging. I read this description about who I am on this website... http://www.personalitypage.com/ISFJ.html... and I was surprised at how accurately it described me! I put words to some things that I did without even realizing I was doing it. For example, the website says that an ISFJ takes in information about people and stores it away. They are super good at reading people's emotions, and remembering specific details of people or conversations that interested them. I love to people watch, and figuring out what makes people do what they do is super interesting, but I never really knew I was doing it until I read this description!
All this to say... this was actually a really great break through for me. I was able to better understand my strengths and weaknesses. I had never been very confident in myself until I could better understand who I am, and why I do the things I do. And remembering that God made me this way for a reason helped to :) I've always struggled with being an introvert. I hated how nervous I felt in big groups of people, how I could rarely start a conversation with anyone because I was so shy, and because I was a very a quiet person. I felt super inferior. But learning about me helped me to see that I wasn't inferior, just different.
Then I could see that God made everyone different. He gave different people different strengths, so that everyone could have a part in bringing Him glory. I may never feel comfortable with large groups of people, and being social for long periods of time will always wear me out. But I can be sensitive to the needs of those God has placed in my life that might get overlooked by others. I like to think of myself as the second one in charge- I may not be the leader of the group, but I can be there to see to all the details that get left behind.
It is so wonderful to accept who you are. I am so much more confident now, and even more extroverted than I once was. Socializing isn't quite as hard! :) I still have much to learn, and many weaknesses to work on and overcome. I easily get down on my self, and am overly critical of who I am, but I work through these negative emotions much faster than I did before. I still have trouble keeping up with my extroverted friends, and sometimes do feel like a boring person (because they often think things are fun, and I don't share the opinion), and I need my down time, but I am in a better place!
Taking the quiz helped me, and for fun had some friends take it too. It actually opened some doors for conversation in some strained relationships! It was so cool to see how learning about each other and gaining understanding of one another help provide more forgiveness and acceptance.
So yeah... I think people are cool! Try walking in someone elses shoes for a bit, and learn why they do what they do!

I Need a Job

Last summer was the time for experiments. I gained some experience and knowledge in the art of applying for jobs. So this summer, I was ready for it. As soon as I got home, I hit the applications hard. I applied to over fifteen places I'm sure- can't remember exactly, I lost count- but they took hours to complete. And then the waiting game followed.
Online applications really give you no hope. How in the world will I ever be distinguished from someone else? I have no experience other than babysitting... and I need the experience to get a job, but I can't get the experience without the job. It is a wonderful trap to be in.
So I followed up quite a few places with phone calls, e-mail, even a few visits. I tried to make myself known. Nothing came of it. I actually felt like I was the bad guy. You know how customers are always right, and employees go out of their way to make the customer feel special? Well, tables turn if you are looking to be an employee- in my opinion. Usually I didn't get very friendly, or helpful people telling me there was nothing available. Didn't make me feel very good!
grrrrr. It's hard!
Then there is babysitting. Those jobs are handed to me all the time, no effort on my part. I'm very wanted when it comes to child care. And I do make pretty good money doing it. I just wanted some new experience! Is that too much to ask for?
But, overall, I want to do what God wants me to do. So I've been thinking. Why do I need experience operating a cash register if I want to be an architect? Yes, new experiences are fun, and I really wanted more interactions with people outside my home, in the work place. But I know I am a blessing to so many families because I can provide their children someone who loves them, and can do a great job taking care of them. I've enjoyed seeing the work God does in these kids lives through me, and often the parents as well. I like to think I have an impact on these families- perhaps in a deeper way than I would get to in other situations. And it's fun! I love kids, and it is a great job that I am very thankful for.
So I want to be ok with it. I want it to be good enough. I think God didn't want me to get a job, so that I could take care of kids when they need it. At least that's what I'm going with :)
I'm thankful for the income, the flexible hours... and I'm not going to worry about a job or money, because God will provide!
The end.
:)

Thoughts as of Late

This song is wonderful. It is "Dear Heart" by Sanctus Real- an AWESOME band. The words to this song really describe how I feel lately, so I want to share them :)


Dear heart
Do you belong to me
Or do I belong to you
Just look at all the trouble
You dragged me into
I've heard it said
To follow your heart
But I'm starting to wonder
If it's gone too far

Oh heart, you've let me down
Chasing love, when it can't be found
Heart, we've fallen out
All of your emotions have led me to doubt
Tell me who's gonna save us now?

Dear heart
You're in the wrong place
Looking out for yourself
No matter what I say
And I know
That your holding me back
And it's time for a change
So I'm giving you away


Sometimes I get fed up with my emotions. My heart goes crazy when I just want to think things through without all the extra feelings. It's a good song! You should listen to it. Right now
:)

Am I really this old?

No, twenty is not old at all. But it is SO weird to think that this weekend, I will no longer be a teenager! Yes, it is just a number... but still. I have almost been alive for twenty years. It is really hard to believe. Growing up has been quite an adventure, extremely tough at times and full of joy at others. I am sooooooooooo blessed to have been given the life I have. I have it so good!
My friends are some of the best people in the entire world. They are such a good family away from home. They comfort me when I am sad, laugh with me when I am happy, and give great hugs when I need them. I could not ask to be in a better place right now. I am really looking forward to next year! My homesickness has lessened and I know I am really going to miss my friends this summer.
But no... they are not perfect either. Sometimes I just get in such a bad mood and they make it worse. Like tonight- people wanted to watch a movie, and others didn't want to watch it. The thing is, those who did not want to watch the movie are made fun of by those who do. It makes me so angry! If someone doesn't want to watch a movie because they would rather protect their mind from the images in media, who is to say otherwise? Why are people ridiculed for wanting to do the right thing? Let me clarify, "the right thing" can be a gray term that may be different for different people. I don't like R rated movies. Yes, I make exceptions, but it is just a movie, and my life will go on without seeing it. Why make fun of my choice not to watch it? Just because it is your favorite movie doesn't mean I will enjoy watching it!
I wish people would begin to understand this! Of course I don't get it completely yet either... I just wish people were more tolerable of differences. I am so afraid of what people think of me. I'm afraid I will get laughed at because I don't know about things other people know. I'm too "innocent" and "pure". Please tell me, why is that a bad thing? I want to be in the world, but not of it. I want to be wise as a serpent, yet innocent as a dove. Please stop making fun of those who want to lead a righteous life, and chose to avoid certain things because of it! Different things work for different people. Currently I have been a little "sassy." And it is fun, and just joking around... and people have commented on how great it is when I get an attitude. That confuses me. When I am being all sassy, then I'm cool... as opposed to when I am my boring goodie-two-shoes old self? I don't get it. Just accept me for me! No one is simple, everyone has extreme complexities to their personality!
... sorry. I get annoyed WAY too easily :) I'm working on it!
But despite the occasional troubles, I love my friends. And I really hope they love me too! Sometimes I feel overlooked... but it isn't a big deal. I am so happy for my friends who have found a special someone, greater than friend. I sometimes wish that I had that too. Someone who would always want to spend time with me, so that I would always have the option of hanging out with someone. I want to get married someday, and there is no rush at all, but it would be nice to find him soon. Patience is definitely hard sometimes. I know, I know... only twenty. I have a lifetime ahead of me. This fact is completely understood, but sometimes my heart doesn't follow the logic of my head.
And I really can't believe I am almost done with my second year of college! Life is flying by so fast! It has been a WONDERFUL experience to say the least. I have learned so much about architecture, life, myself, relationships, how to sleep anywhere and everywhere, how to keep going when everything is falling apart, and how to completely depend on God. I've also learned what if feels like to be in a rut with very little spiritual growth because of neglecting my time with God. There is just so little time, I get my priorities mixed up sometimes. Passing my classes, or spending some time reading the bible? Well... I'll probably just fall asleep if I read. Yep. It's hard sometimes. I've learned to draw better, to design better, and to let things go sometimes. I can't be perfect. :) Crazy huh?
So... that's the reflections on life for today!
Looking forward to the future and life as an "adult" but kinda freaking out on the inside too! What a wonderful journey I'm on.

Impossible

My family is a gift from God. I don't know of many people who miss each other as deeply as we do- which is good and bad, because it makes being apart extremely hard, but it is a blessing that we love to spend time together. So here I am at school, wondering how I am going to make it through this semester. I miss my parents, my brother, my dog, my house, the idea of being with family, and my state SO MUCH!!! And MOUNTAINS! The ache in my heart is huge! There hasn't been a day yet where I wake up without the tears filling my eyes. However, it is getting better. I've tried to cope by being by myself, hanging out in my room. But my roomies have wonderful boyfriends that I'm glad they spend time with... even though that means less time for me. So I'm by myself. Now that studio has started up again, I realize how important those social interactions are for helping me cope. They are my "family" away from family, and they really care about me. It's wonderful :)

'Another realization I've had is that part of my homesickness is not just being away from my family and home, but also how hard school is. I am WAY out of my comfort zone out here! So many new experiences, social activities, relationships... the list goes on and on. The "unknown" really stresses me out. I don't know what my future holds! My classes are so time consuming and I get critiqued on my abilities and often feel insignificant. I usually don't get enough sleep, and things are just hard here. Home... well over breaks, I don't have any responsibilities. I sleep whenever and however long I want to. I know my family will be with me at the end of the day and we can enjoy each others' company. It is a life of ease. Home is comfortable... school is not. That makes it hard.

But school does one very important thing for me. It brings me closer to God. Out here, He is the only real stability I have in my life. He is always with me, through thick and thin. No matter where I am, I can turn to him with questions, frustrations, worry, and lack of energy, and He provides. I am so dependent on God at every moment, that I know being out of my comfort zone- no matter how hard or uncomfortable it is- that's where I'm supposed to be.

This song has really caught my attention as of late, and I'm adopting it as my motto for the rest of the year. It is Impossible, by The Newsboys. The music is so beautiful, and the lyrics so powerful. It says that only God has us flying with eagles, walking on water, jumping over mountains... with God we can do the impossible. How amazing! This mighty King I serve not only is my friend, my Father, but is the maker of all the universe. He is SO powerful, and can do the impossible. Not only that, but He loves me!!!!!!!! He wants what is best for me. Ugh I can't even describe how crazy wonderful that is! So I'm going to live it out, claiming that truth. With God, I can make it out here away from home. He'll provide the strength and energy I need to make it through.

I can do the impossible.

My Passion...

So lately I've been under the impression that to be an architect, you have to be passionate about architecture. If you aren't... you'll never make it. (No people aren't telling me this in so many words, it's just a hunch... just what I've inferred). So here I am... wanting to be an architect, but not really feeling passionate about architecture. There are so many architectects out there! I don't know the famous ones, and I probably should. There are so many amazing buildings out there! I should probably be able to pick out which ones are which, and who they were made by! But, I can't. So I wonder: am I cut out for this job?

But as I have pondered this question, I've come to realize my passion. Now, I've always known it subconsciously, but only recently have I begun to understand it, to be able to put it into words. At church a while back, we were asked to write a word on our hand, a word we believed described our purpose in life. For example, Matt, the worship leader who was leading the exercise, said his word was "bridge" because he felt that his calling was to bridge the racial barriers within the church and surrounding areas of his life. After some contemplation, I chose my word. Home.

And then the other day I googled residential architecture firms in Colorado, that would be close to home. I was surprised by the results, for there are quite a few. I had always thought I would have to start out with commercial buildings to gain experience, and then switch to residential later on... but I don't necessarily have to. I could go straight to residential if given the opportunity!

So these instances have reminded me of my word. Home! I'm finding out that this is my passion. My dreams have always been to design custom homes for people. Not only that, but I want to design homes for people in Tanzania and give them away so they don't have to pay an outrageous rent with money they don't have! I want to design my own home to have tons of rooms so that I can let people live with me when they need a place to stay, so they can have a place of their own to get back on their feet. However, a home is not just about a building. It is about the people inside the building. It is a shelter, a place where memories are made, where families exist. Family is extremely important to me, and being blessed with the amazing family I have has made me so aware of other's need for a family like mine. My passion is for family, for homes.

It has been fun, and often a battle, to go through these days at school trying to figure out my future. But with each day I am realizing and working hard to accept that I don't need to be the best architect out there. I don't need to be remembered for my building designs, but I want my legacy to be in the relationships I have with clients, that they can see Christ through my work, and be able to have a home filled with His love. I am extremely glad that God knows my purpose and future, and that He will guide my steps and never leave my side as I seek to do His will. He gave me these dreams, and ignited this passion for Him and home!