Doubt

I know it isn't a good thing... but I can't seem to help it. I can't break out of it.

I believe Satan's lies way too often.

And I know they are lies, but I can't convince myself not to believe them.

I doubt that people like me. I doubt that I am worthy of their friendship. What if they just hang out with me because they don't want to hurt my feelings? Maybe they just pretend to be my friend, but really hate that they have to be around me.

I don't think that is true at all, but I doubt.

And then at times they will tell me how much they love me, or how good of a friend I am- but part of me doesn't want to believe it. Part of me can't believe it.

What if it is just flattery? What if they don't really mean it?

So when my friends don't tell me often how important I am to them, I begin to wonder if they really do like me. Little things set my mind to wandering. Like the other day one of my roommates was planning on going to studio anyway. I just got back to the room from studio, and knew she was headed out. TOTALLY as a joke, she said, "well, Rebecca is here, I guess it is time to leave!" Another said something like, "That's what I would do!"

It was all in jest, we were all in good moods, and they meant no harm at all. They said it out of love. But I couldn't convince myself it was a joke. I was concerned that they didn't really want to be around me.

So I had to check, and hear for myself. I texted my roomie later and asked if she was joking. I received an adamant YES! She was definitely joking.

So why do I doubt?

I don't know. But I always do.

Let me know you love me every once and a while :)