Have I mentioned before how much I adore psychology? Because I truly find it to be exceptionally fantastic! How God created people's brains to be so different is quite intriguing to me. One of our recent class lectures was about a very basic summation of three parts that make up a person's personality.
These three identities, the child, the protector, and the adult, make up each and every individual. The adult in each of us is mature and shows up in important situations like working a job. The child plays a big role in us as well, and is heavily shaped by our actual childhood experiences. The protector has two extreme sides, and it either lashes out in a situation, or curls up in a corner crying. The protector's role is that of protecting the child. I think my professor is much better at explaining this than I am, but keep reading, and hopefully this will make sense soon.
For example, imagine a person who struggled with their weight in early life- we'll call her Gwen. Gwen was often made fun by her peers in school and was very insecure in her looks. Later in life, she has lost all of her baby fat, and is now at a perfect weight for her body type. She looks great! Now during this time, Gwen is interacting with a good friend who makes a sarcastic joke about her being fat- you know, one of those jokes that is supposed to say the opposite and affirm how thin you are and how good you look, but still says you're fat. Well, Gwen freaks out about being too fat, and is upset with herself for letting herself go, and she begins working out and dieting.
This situation shows Gwen's "child" being hurt. Her past struggles of feeling fat were threatened because of her friend's joke, so her protector lashed out and went crazy trying to fix the situation. My prof. made a comment that really made me think. She said that "whenever someone lashes out at you, I guarantee you just saw their protector." It is very crazy to think about! Maybe you didn't do anything wrong, but rather, the child in someone was very hurt because of past hurts, and therefore the protector took over.
I have enjoyed seeing this play out in my own life this past week. Well, perhaps enjoy isn't the right word, but nonetheless, I love learning new things about myself and others. Last weekend my roommates were all gone. I get lonely pretty easily, so I decided to text one of my best guy friends to come get me for lunch at the cafeteria, instead of sulking in my misery and walking alone. I was excited that I would have company at his enthusiastic reply. But then... I saw him and his roommates walking to the cafeteria without me. I was forgotten. It hurt, but I don't blame him at all, he is completely forgiven! Everyone has little brain slips! Oh well. This weekend my roommates are gone again. So, I decided to text a different friend because I figured there was more chance of not being forgotten with him. Alas, the time to start walking comes and goes, and he doesn't show up. So I left for lunch, and luckily ran into another friend on the way. (And guys, if you ever read this, seriously, you are forgiven, don't worry about it!)
This situation is really not a big deal at all. People forget, things happen, and there is nothing to worry about. Nothing personal against me.
But it hurt so much.
Satan is always very good at feeding me lies about myself that I all too willingly believe. So I walk back to my room thinking, I'm not good enough to have friends. I am easily forgotten. No one wants to spend time with me.
And as I fought the urge to curl up in a corner and cry, to shut out the world, I took a step back and began wondering.... why does this little incident make my heart hurt so? I thought of psychology class, and what could have hurt the child inside me. And I figured out it was all about being forgotten, about being overlooked.
My middle school years were probably my least favorite in life. I was very shy, and "smart" and that was my reputation: the quiet smart girl. I wasn't chosen in gym class. Classmates who sat next to me all year didn't even know my name. I was overlooked. Easily forgotten. And I'm realizing how deeply that affected me! This is such a huge struggle for me even today, even now when I have the most wonderful friends in all of the world! I still think lowly of myself at times, that I am someone not worthy of being noticed, or acknowledged, or remembered.
But the best outcome of this situation is that I have realized the source of this hurt; that I can pin point this struggle, and battle to overcome it. So I want to encourage you not to take things personally when people lash out at you, but rather try and figure out what the deeper cause is. Ask them about it, and try to be understanding and comforting in their pain.
Not taking things personally when others lash out is a whole other battle I have to fight... but for now I shall work on overcoming my fears and past hurt, those known and those still unknown, and shall firmly remember my identity in Christ.
Get to know the hurts of your "child!" Life will be a tad bit easier when you do.
