I am an introvert. And generally speaking... introverts think about themselves way too much. Well today I was in a terrible depressed mood, and it all had to do with me. A few situations in life have got me thinking about my flaws. Wow, I have a lot.
I am a perfectionist. I want to be like Christ. I strive to be perfect and I beat myself up when I'm not. I will never be perfect so I need to give up that desire! Yes, I should definitely try to be like Christ, but I can't hope to be perfect. Why do I waste so much time trying to get there?
I am a worrier. I am full of anxiety. I say harsh things to my good friends. I do dumb things. I think sinful thoughts. I am judgemental. And SO much more. I focus on myself and my flaws so much that I can't see Jesus. And when I find fault in all that is wrong with me, I get mad at myself, and hate myself for who I am. I am so sinful! A terrible person, not worthy of anything. No matter what I do, I will never be good enough.
God. Thank-you for Grace.
Thank-you for sending Your son to die for my sins- so His blood would cover all my faults.
Thank-you for making me- making me the way I am with all my faults so that Your strength can be seen through my weakness.
Thank-you for loving me, the wretch that I am.
You are sculpting me. Molding me. Changing me into who you want me to be. No, I will never be perfect. I will still sin. But You have freed me from these chains, and I need to live my life in the joy of that knowledge. Nothing can separate me from Your love. And with all my being I desire to do Your will.
How incredibly amazing is this God we serve?
Sunday, October 3, 2010
Monday, September 13, 2010
Architecture Major
Architecture. It is the worst career anyone could ever choose. You have to sit behind a desk all day long and work all day every day. You won't have a family because you'll never have time for them. Don't even think about residential architecture because that is impossible. You won't make any money because the job doesn't provide money, but more than that, you won't even get a job because of the economy. Basically... you are spending thousands of dollars and wasting your life in an insane program that will never get you anywhere in life. So just give up now.
REALLY!?
Lately, this is all I have been hearing, and it is confusing and hard to process. So again I ask: Why do I want to be an architect?
I have this amazing professor and today, I listened into a conversation Professor Lindsey was having with one of my friends in studio. I feel like we are all struggling with the decision we have made to go to architecture school, so the question came up, and the response was awesome. I want to affect people's lives. How can I do that with architecture? Well, Prof. Lindsey talked about how a building affects a person. Memories are made in structures. What we do in everyday life is affected by the spaces in which we live. (He said all this much more eloquently, but you get the picture). In the end, it gave me hope. I can affect people by the things I design for them, and this will leave a lasting impression! So thank-you Prof. Lindsey.
And yes, this program is still insane. Yes, I will still have late nights at work and still sit at a desk. No, I will not be a millionaire, and yes, I will have tons of debt to pay off. But guess what? If this is God's will for my life, He will provide. I will get the job he wants me to get. I know I will not be able to start with residential design, but maybe someday God will provide me a way to accomplish my dreams. I still can build my own home someday and I can still have apartments on my property to lend to people in need. I can still build homes for people in need and design a sustainable structure for people in Africa. I have these dreams and desires for a reason, so why should I worry about all the "could-bees" of my future profession? SCHOOL is SO hard, but for now, this is where I am supposed to be. I am praying that if I don't get accepted into 3rd year, that will be a sign to switch to another passion I have like graphic design or animation. And God will provide me with a job, somewhere, somehow... be it as an architect, designer, or coffee maker... God will provide.
So that's that... :)
REALLY!?
Lately, this is all I have been hearing, and it is confusing and hard to process. So again I ask: Why do I want to be an architect?
I have this amazing professor and today, I listened into a conversation Professor Lindsey was having with one of my friends in studio. I feel like we are all struggling with the decision we have made to go to architecture school, so the question came up, and the response was awesome. I want to affect people's lives. How can I do that with architecture? Well, Prof. Lindsey talked about how a building affects a person. Memories are made in structures. What we do in everyday life is affected by the spaces in which we live. (He said all this much more eloquently, but you get the picture). In the end, it gave me hope. I can affect people by the things I design for them, and this will leave a lasting impression! So thank-you Prof. Lindsey.
And yes, this program is still insane. Yes, I will still have late nights at work and still sit at a desk. No, I will not be a millionaire, and yes, I will have tons of debt to pay off. But guess what? If this is God's will for my life, He will provide. I will get the job he wants me to get. I know I will not be able to start with residential design, but maybe someday God will provide me a way to accomplish my dreams. I still can build my own home someday and I can still have apartments on my property to lend to people in need. I can still build homes for people in need and design a sustainable structure for people in Africa. I have these dreams and desires for a reason, so why should I worry about all the "could-bees" of my future profession? SCHOOL is SO hard, but for now, this is where I am supposed to be. I am praying that if I don't get accepted into 3rd year, that will be a sign to switch to another passion I have like graphic design or animation. And God will provide me with a job, somewhere, somehow... be it as an architect, designer, or coffee maker... God will provide.
So that's that... :)
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