Overcoming Fear

I have this fear. A crippling, debilitating fear of what others think of me.

I know it's dumb! But whether it is consciously or unconsciously... I struggle every day to overcome my fear.

Yes... God loves me for the person He created me to be! I know this! He didn't make mistakes with me, nor does He love me because of the way I preform. But still it is so hard for me to remember this, and not care about the thoughts of others.

I'm better than I used to be...

I wonder if my fear of embarrassment ever prevents me from doing God's will. There was an instance the other day when I was in Walmart and an older lady dropped her cain. My gut reaction was to move! and help her! But instantly after my first thought, I noticed everyone around me. What would people say if I helped? "Aw, what a good kid" or "Typical Goodie-Two-Shoes". So I didn't help. I just watched, pulse racing, as this poor woman bent over and painstakingly received her cain from the floor. And then, I was mad at myself. I knew I should have done something! It was the simplest of tasks! Just take a few steps and help her out! But in my fear, I just froze up.

I've been noticing more and more of these situations lately. I'm presented with an opportunity to do good, and I don't because of what people might think. It happens quite a bit with my design work as well. It is almost as if embarrassment is strong motivation to do well. If I don't, my classmates will laugh at me. If I don't do well on a test, and a classmate is grading it, what will they think of me? I even go so far as to put way too much thought on my clothing or hair styles for the day because I don't know the reaction I will get. I get embarrassed way too easily, and I really do think it is hindering my ability to grow. I know so much happens when I'm out of my comfort zone, but I'm so afraid to leave it.

So prayers would be awesome! Prayers for me to remember my identity in Christ, and to have confidence as His daughter. I don't want to care what possible harmful things people may say or think (which is another thing all together, because usually people aren't even thinking about me and would never say anything mean! ) I'm an introvert... I think about myself way too much :)

I'm trying to do better.

Prayer

I'm still learning! And lately something I've been learning about is prayer.
I find it interesting that God knows everything we will think before we think it, and everything we will say before we say it. So why pray? He already knows. But, He wants to hear it from us anyways. It is an act of presenting our desires to God, and engaging in conversation with Him. It's a pretty neat idea.

I've also been learning about the Holy Spirit, and His role in my life. Although the Trinity is a hard concept to grasp, I have been trying to understand more. I found a bible verse that talked about how when we are praying and can't find the words to pray, the Holy Spirit will step in for us and give the message to God. I'm also more aware and able to listen to the little nudges the Spirit gives me about who I need to talk to to encourage, or comfort them; and even ask for the right words to say. It is amazing that Christ, or the Spirit is in me, and always with me. I have so much power through Him, and I don't think I always remember that.

I was reading my devotion book the other day, and the topic was prayer. I was struck by the comment made about when we pray, we should expect God to answer our prayers. It was something I had never thought about before! When I pray, I want God to answer give me an answer, and I know he does - yes, no, or wait - but do I expect my requests to be met?
I don't think I do. I pray that God's will for my life will be done. When I pray a prayer, I always want His way in the end, no matter what I want; because He knows what is best for me. Another verse I read the other day was Jesus speaking to his disciples saying that whatever they asked for in Jesus' name would be given to them.

Perhaps I don't think my prayers are good enough, or don't think God will do anything on my timing. Yes, it is true, sometimes more time needs to pass before God will act. But I want to work on expecting that God will listen to the cry of my heart, because I am His child. I think I doubt the power of prayer, and maybe pray only to voice my opinions, rather than really desiring something to happen. After all, God gave Israel a king when He didn't want to, because the people kept asking for one. Prayer really can move God to act!

I want to do better! I want to fully have faith that God can, and will use me for great things, and I want to believe that my words of prayer have a powerful effect. I love learning, and pray God never stops working on my heart, and teaching me His ways!